Will you blow on my dice?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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