as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
