I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
