Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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