dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She's the barista slut.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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