After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
