How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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