Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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