maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
