and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
