lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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