I heard we made out
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
