Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
