She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
