i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
