The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
