i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
