the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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