i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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