Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so explain again why im purple
no
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You took a bar mat shot.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
