Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
