dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
