At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
