I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
