She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
