I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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