I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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