I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
