we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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