I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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