The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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