Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
