Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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