I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
