1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
