I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
