I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
