if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
