There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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