okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
