some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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