Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
