dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
