mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
