The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
