White coat. Heels.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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