You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
