my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
