Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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