she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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