The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
