is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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